Representative Jokes / Recent Jokes

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."

"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died more...

When a French Lady Representative managed to close all the brothels in France after the war, they promptly opened up again as private clubs. Shortly afterward an elderly gentleman, unaware of the change, knocked at the door of one of the "clubs." Having been instructed to maintain the impression that he was working for a private club, the doorman first asked: "Active member?" "I hope so," the old man replied.

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 208-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing more...

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:Lose weightOnly $1.00 a poundCall (202) 208-0238The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When more...

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world
in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet,
Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the
Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the
other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man
responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll
have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There
stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign
around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the kitchen, all around the more...

A Sales Representative was sitting in the airport's VIP Lounge and Bill Gates was also there, sitting across the room.
The Sales Rep. noticed Gates, walked over to him and said, "Sir, I'm a Sales Representative and I'm waiting here to meet with one of my clients. This client is a very important one and I need to impress him at any cost to close the deal."
"What can I do to help you?" Gates asked.
"When I'm talking with my client, could you just come over, tap me on the shoulder and say, 'Hi, Ray'?" asked the Rep.
"Sure," Gates replied.
A few minutes later, the client arrived. The Sales Rep. and his client were talking when Gates walked over, tapped the Rep. on the shoulder and said, "Hi, Ray."
"Get lost, Gates! I'm in a meeting!" replied the Sales Rep.

NEW YORK (AP)-Seventy-two percent of Americans who believe in
Heaven rate their chances of going there as good to excellent, but
many say their friends' chances are considerably worse, according to a
new poll.
A San Francisco man-wearing a full uniform and carrying a handgun
- impersonated a state fish and game warden for three months,
checking licenses, issuing citations and confiscating fish, officials
say. Brian Anthony Young told The Examiner that he posed as a game
warden out of "boredom and drugs." He said he inspected more than 200
fishermen, boats, restaurants and stores.
At an Oklahoma rally for Republican Senator Don Nickles, Reagan urged
his listeners to support the re-election of Don Rickles.
New Delhi, India (AP)-Police kept 3,000 residents of a southern
Indian village indoors Sunday and put up roadblocks to enforce a
government ban on nude worship of a Hindu deity.
The commission that banned the more...