"More news clippings" joke

NEW YORK (AP)-Seventy-two percent of Americans who believe in
Heaven rate their chances of going there as good to excellent, but
many say their friends' chances are considerably worse, according to a
new poll.
A San Francisco man-wearing a full uniform and carrying a handgun
- impersonated a state fish and game warden for three months,
checking licenses, issuing citations and confiscating fish, officials
say. Brian Anthony Young told The Examiner that he posed as a game
warden out of "boredom and drugs." He said he inspected more than 200
fishermen, boats, restaurants and stores.
At an Oklahoma rally for Republican Senator Don Nickles, Reagan urged
his listeners to support the re-election of Don Rickles.
New Delhi, India (AP)-Police kept 3,000 residents of a southern
Indian village indoors Sunday and put up roadblocks to enforce a
government ban on nude worship of a Hindu deity.
The commission that banned the festival was set up after a
confrontation a year ago between opponents of nude worship and the
naked devotees. Members of the pro-modesty faction tried to clothe
the worshipers, but were instead stripped by the devotees.
Several policemen and some journalists were also stripped, which
contributed to a state-wide protest.
The "Metropolitan Indians" of Italy produced parodies of posters and
graffiti in an attempt to expose the reality behind the empty
sloganizing of the Communists and the Italian Left parties. Examples
from 1972 include: "LONG LIVE SACRIFICE," "BOSSES' POWER", "MORE
WORK, LESS PAY," and "ALL POWER TO THE DROMEDARIAT."
Representative Tim Moor sponsored a resolution in the Texas House of
Representatives in Austin, Texas calling on the House to commend
Albert de Salve for his unselfish service to "his country, his state
and his community."
The resolution stated that "this compassionate gentleman's
dedication and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the
lonely throughout the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of
concern for their future. He has been officially recognized by the
state of Massachusetts for his noted activities and unconventional
techniques involving population control and applied psychology."
The resolution was passed unanimously.
Representative Moore then revealed that he had only tabled the
motion to show how the legislature passes bills and resolutions often
without reading them or understanding what they say. Albert de Salve
was the Boston Strangler.
When a street procession re-enacting the crucifixion (Easter, 1984)
was halted by traffic in west London, a group of local youths
surrounded the actor playing Jesus, cut loose his ropes, told him to
run for it and said that they would cover his getaway.
In the autumn of 1983 a tape recording of a telephone conversation
between President Reagan and Prime Minister Thatcher was sent
anonymously to newspapers in various parts of the world. A covering
note claimed that the tape was a recording of a crossed line on which
was heard part of the two leaders' telephone conversation.
In January, 1984 the story was taken up by the Sunday Times and
the San Francisco Chronicle. The Sunday Times described the tape as
part of a KGB propaganda war. The U.S. State Department said that the
tape was evidence of "an increasingly sophisticated Russian
disinformation campaign."
In fact the tape was made by members of the anarchist punk rock
group Crass. The tape had been produced by using parts of T.V. and
radio broadcasts made by the two leaders, then overdubbed with
telephone noises.