Representative Jokes / Recent Jokes

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. ''Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?''
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, ''First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?''
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, ''Um... No.''
''Or,'' the lawyer continued, ''that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?''
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, ''Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident?'' the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident?" the more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized the town's most successful lawyer had never made a donation, so the person in charge of contributions called him in an attempt to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you do not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some small way?" asked the representative.
The lawyer thought this over for a very brief moment and said, "Did your research happen to show that my mother is dying after a lengthy illness, and that she has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Feeling embarrassed, the representative muttered, "Umm... No."
"And, did your research show," continued the lawyer, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is not only blind, but is confined to a wheelchair?"
Feeling even more embarrassed, the representative began to stammer an apology but was more...

Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small ad which read: Lose weight $1. 00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone number.

Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,' How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded,' Ten pounds.'. The voice replied,' Very well, put you check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.

About 9: 00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stateing,' If you catch me you can screw me'. Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and when he was through more...

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate wouldhave been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcertingmannerism. He kept winking." Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good referencesand experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all thetime, it might put our customers off." "No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid ofit is to take a couple of aspirins." So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled tosee dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy dutyvarieties and every known brand of standard condom." Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winkingstopped at once." Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to bewomanising all over his territory." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married." "Then how do you account for all of these things?" more...

There one was a heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read:
Lose weight: Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, more...