Request Jokes / Recent Jokes

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.

"Give me one last request, Dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die, he said, "I want you to marry Joe."

"But I thought you hated Joe," she said.

With his last breath, John said, "I do!"

Dear:Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:( ) the tooth could not be found( ) it was not a human tooth( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy forappropriate action( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received( ) the tooth is still in your mouth( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit( ) the snacks provided for more...

Blond's Letter to Bill Gates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only *** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password ****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change more...

Three guys are going to go to jail and each gets one request before they get put away for a year. The first guy says "I want a years supply of beer." So the guards give him his beer and put him away.

The next guy says "I want a woman." So they give him a woman and lock him up.

Then, the third guy says "I want a year's supply of cigarettes. So, they give him his cigarettes and lock him up.

A year goes by and the guards come around to let the three guys out. The first guy comes out totally drunk. The second guy says "We're getting married!"

Then, the third guy says "Anyone got a match?"

Q: How many management information services guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to the light bulb issue.

A guy buys a new Lamborghini sportscar and goes to his Orthodox rabbi to ask him to bless a mezuzah for the car.
"What is a Lamborghini?" asks the rabbi and when the guy explains, the rabbi says "No way am I
blessing a mezuzah for such an extravagance!"
So the guy finds a Conservative rabbi and makes the same request. "What is a Lamborghini?"
the rabbi asks and hearing the explanation, also refuses to give his blessing.
So finally the guy goes to a Reform rabbi with his request.
"Sure!" says the rabbi, "but what's a mezuzah?"

...probably one of the best...
Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
"211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid
skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed
examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your
theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of
Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it
appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of
the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to
be the "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a great
deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be
quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior
work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with more...