Request Jokes / Recent Jokes

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah`d be mighty grateful if`n yoo`d play `Achy Breaky Heart` fur me bahfore ah hafta go."
"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what`s your last request?"
"That you kill me first."

Shaves head and beard, then insists on being called "Santa Kurtz."
Tells kids about the comparative kill ratio of the AK-47 over the Daisy Air Rifle.
Those nasty chewing tobacco streaks in his beard.
Has a complimentary tray of North Pole "Tundra Oysters" ready for the toddlers.
After every child's request, asks, "Wouldn't you rather have a nice big bag of clams?"
The twinkle in his eye and the twitch of his nose are due to a lack of medication.
Every so often, snaps into a Slim Jim and growls, "You've been bad and now you're going down, punk!"
Actually enjoys it when small children urinate on his lap.
Promises children O. J. will be cleared of all wrongdoing.
Caught drinking red wine with fish during break.
"Hey kid, bet I can wet my pants faster than you can!"
Insists on blowing his nose in children's hair.
Despite massive photographic evidence to the contrary, claims to more...

This letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft Subject:
Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button' start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is' Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked' run' he ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any' re-scooter' is available in system? I find only' re-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is' Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt' Microsoft word' now he wants to learn' Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide more...

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"
The more...

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office. "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" the elderly woman asked. The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?" "I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.
"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the lawyer asked. "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I more...

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she would like to see the lawyer to have her will drawn up. An appointment was set up for the following day.
"Tell me what you have in assets and how you would like them to be distributed under your will," the lawyer said.
"In addition to the furniture and accessories I have listed here, I have $40,000 in my savings account," replied the spinster.
"How would you like to have the $40,000 distributed?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, as I've told you, I have lived a very reclusive life," the spinster explained. "People have hardly ever noticed me, so I would like them to notice when I pass on. I would like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
"For $35,000 you will certainly be able to have a funeral that will be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you," remarked the lawyer. "But, tell more...

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it
be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went
to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and
the will.
The lawyer's first question was,
"Would you please tell me what
you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed
under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,
I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 more...