Request Jokes / Recent Jokes
The last request
Rabbi Cohen was saying his goodbyes to his congregation after his Sabbath service, as he always does, when Esther Glickman came up to him in tears.
"What`s bothering you so, dear?" inquired Rabbi Cohen.
"Oh, Rabbi, I`ve got terrible news," replied Esther.
"Well what is it, Esther?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Rabbi."
"Oh, Esther", said the Rabbi, "That`s terrible. Tell me Esther, did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did Rabbi," replied Esther.
"What did he ask, Esther?"
Esther replied, "He said, `Please, please Esther, put down the gun...`
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said." Anything, anything," said the ambassador." First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation." Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion more...
A cowboy gets captured by bandits who tie him up in the middle of the desert. They tell him that they will come back once a day for three days to grant him three last requests and then they’re gonna kill him. They ask him what his first request is. He says, “I wanna talk to my horse. ” He whispers in the horses ear, it runs off and comes back with a beautiful blonde on it’s back who gets off the horse and makes love to the cowboy. The bandits are all amazed.
The second day the bandits ask him for his next request, “I WANNA talk to my HORSE! ” he says. He whispers in the horses ear, it rides off and returns with two red heads on it’s back. They both get off and make love to the cowboy. The bandits are loving this horse. The last day comes and they ask for his final request. “I WANNA TALK TO MY HORSE!!! ” They bring the horse over and he whispers, “Now damnit, I said bring me back a POSSE! ”
Two Irishmen, Murphy and O'Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.
He calls,' 'O'Brian, come' ere O'Brian. I' ave a request for ye.'' O'Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.
''O'Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying' ere. I' ave one last request fir ye to do.''
O'Brian bursts into tears,' 'Anything Murphy, anything ye wish. It's done.''
''Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.''
O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his more...
The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness. Request DENIED for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - does not have a degree; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - shows no fidelity to the workplace; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.
A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died. At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?" "Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says." So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and ask me again." Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years and ask me again." And once again, five years later, more...
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the `shut down ` button.
3. There is a button `start` but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is `Run` in the menu. One of my friend clicked `run ` has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to more...