Rescue Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret,

"Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back
asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had more...

This just in from the CNN News Room: Poland’s Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?" When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good"
and Margaret fell back asleep. A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?" But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep. Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If more...

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately! ”
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash! ”
Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up. ”
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: “Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about more...

The creator of FX's "Rescue Me" went online to explain Denis Leary's rape scene in last week's episode. "Not only is the scene necessary for the show's dramatic arc," wrote Peter Tolan, "but the actress who plays Denis' wife finally stopped asking for a bigger trailer."

An Englishman was flying across the Pacific on Delta/Northwest
and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started
walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it
malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out.
Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical
island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued.
However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue.
Fortunately there was a spring on the island and he survived on
coconuts and fish.
Finally one day, as he was drawing sand pictures at the beach, he sees
a woman in a trim-fitting scuba outfit emerge from the ocean. She is
beautiful! She says, "Are you Fred Quimby?" He says, "Why yes I am."
"Congratulations, I am from Rescue Inc., and we have been attempting
to find you since you were lost. Now tell me, how long has it been
since you've had a smoke?"
"Well, of more...

At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank Heavens!", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but Good Heavens, man, your plane only went down yesterday!"