Respiration Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's the story of a newly rich Punjabi couple who, having come into money, were forever boasting of their acquisitions: a brand new imported car (not a second-hand one), video-cassettes, hi-fi original paintings.' And, of course, our food is always cooked in ash ghee,' said the wife proudly,' no dalda shalda in our kitchen.' Once while holidaying at Juhu Beach in Mumbai, the husband went out of his depth and was just saved from drowning. A doctor was quickly summoned.' Nothing to worry,' exclaimed the medico,' I will give him artificial respiration and he will be all right in a jiffy.'' No you won't,' said the wife.' For my husband it Will have to be real respiration or nothing.'

While leading a party of Girl Scouts through the woods in silent Indian fashion, the troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in an indecent act.
"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"
But it was too late. Several of the girls had more or less seen it all. They asked their leader what was happening.
"Well, if you must know, that man and woman were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration."
"Wow!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next."

Artificial Respiration
While leading a party of Girl Scouts through the woods in silent Indian fashion, the troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in an indecent act.
"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"
But it was too late. Several of the girls had more or less seen it all. They asked their leader what was happening.
"Well, if you must know, that man and woman were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration."
"Wow!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next."

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.

"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"

But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.

"Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!"

"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"

The following are all quotes from an 11 year old's science exams:
1) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
2) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
3) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube.
4) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
5) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state.
6) Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
8) Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9) Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.
10) The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
11) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead
of the bull.
12) Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them more...