Response Jokes / Recent Jokes

Young O`Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a pew and entered the confessional. "irish father," he said breathlessly, "I`ve just shot down two British lieutenants!" Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British captain!" When there was still no response from the irish priest, O`Donnell said, "irish father, have ye fainted?" "Of course I haven`t fainted," replied the confessor. "I`m waitin` for you to stop talkin` politics and commence confessin` your sins!"

If it were really a man's world. . . . .
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and
a Cheers for the sex - now fuck off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real' Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. more...

This was just posted to the newsgroup "alt.config" and most of the alt.sex newsgroups to propose creation of a new group "alt.sex.oral". I think you might find it interesting.
Paul Robinson
"The Greatest Philosopher in the World, maybe the Greatest who ever lived."
There has been some questioning as to why there isn't an "alt.sex.oral" newsgroup since almost every other sexually related practice has one of its own.
There is quite a bit of interest in this subject, as it has gotten a lot of tongues wagging about it.
It is a subject of very hot debate, and considerable jawing and movement of mouths.
It has been known to raise a significant response in men, and a smaller response in women. Perhaps women are more "open" to this subject.
It is a subject of considerable interest from many angles, as much as 21 (degrees) reduced from 90.
It is often enjoyed by more than one person, as some people find that the more...

A couple of Martians land at a closed gas station in the middle of the night. They exit their spaceship and approach a gas pump.
They look it over quizzically and one says to the other, "I think these must be Earth people."
"Take us to your leader!" the first Martian demands. There's no response.
"I don't think we should fuck around with this one," the second Martian whispers to his partner.
"I demand you take us to your leader or we are going to blow you to kingdom come!" the first Martian demands again. Still, there's no response.
The first Martian then takes out his laser gun and zaps the gas pump. The gas pump and the entire station blow up and the Martians are thrown into the air and land in a nearby tree.
The second Martian screams to his partner, "DIDN'T I TELL YOU WE SHOULDN'T FUCK WITH A GUY WHO CAN WRAP HIS DICK AROUND HIS NECK AND STICK IT IN HIS EAR!"

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

A SCHOLARLY Nawab fond of birds came across an elegant-looking parrot on sale whose main attribute was stated to be command over classical languages. When asked about the correctness of the claim, pat came the response from the parrot in Persian:' Dreechay Shak!, meaning there is not an iota of doubt about it.
Highly impressed, the Nawab paid the large sum being demanded for it, and brought the proud possession home, flaunting it before a circle of close friends and scholars. They went into peals of laughter when a casual question on whether their friend had been cheated, brought forth the same monotonous response:' Dreechay Shak' which were the only words known to the linguist parrot!'

The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed' Hebonics', as a second language. Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture.

According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question Is usually another question -- plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus,' How are you?' may be answered, How should I be, with my feet?'"

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains,shmountains. Stay away. You more...