Response Jokes / Recent Jokes

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.For example:1 - "What are you thinking?"The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are d - How much prettier she is than you e - How he would spend the insurance money if you diedAccording to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of more...

A man goes to his doctor and says, ? I don? t think my wife? s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do? The doctor replies, ? Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn? t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, ? What? s for dinner, honey? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, ? Honey, what? s for supper? She screams, ? For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1... What are you thinking about? 2... Do you love me? 3... Do I look fat? 4... Do you think she is prettier than me? 5... What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i. e., tells the truth). As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a... Baseball. b... Football. c... How fat you are. d... How much prettier she is than you. e... How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this more...

A man goes to his doctor and says,? I don?t think my wife?s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?? The doctor replies,? Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn?t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,? What?s for dinner, honey?? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says,? Honey, what?s for supper?? She screams,? For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex' would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' Do you know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop:' Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

11. more...

Two aliens land in Metro Detriot, and they happen to land next
to a gas station. So, the aliens waddle out of their ship and
look around. The first thing they see that resembles an
intelligent being is the gas pump. The two Aliens approach and
the first one says "Earthling, take me to your leader!"
Of course he gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again.
"Earthling, I said TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!" Of course, still no
response.... The first Alien then turns to the second and says
"If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect and at least
acknowledge me I'm going to blast him!" At that the second Alien
replies "O. K, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other
to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third
time. "Earthling take me to your more...

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example: 1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are d - How much prettier she is than you e - How he would spend the insurance money if you diedAccording to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of more...