Responses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Climate/Terrain: Any Usenet
newsgroup
Frequency: Common
Organization: Thread
Activity cycle: Any
Diet: Lusers
Intelligence: Low (3-5)
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic evil
(neutral)
No. Appearing: 1
Armour Class: n/a
Movement: 'c'
Hit Dice: 100
THAC0: n/a
No. of Attacks: n/a
Damage/Attack: n/a
Special Attacks: See
below
Special Defences: See
below
Magic Resistance: 100%
Size: Exists as mental force
only
Morale: Elite (14)
XP Value: 1,800
The Usenet troll (Trollicus useneticus bloodyirritatingus) is an evil
mental parasite found in all areas of Usenet, where it preys upon the
brains of lusers (Homo stultissimus). Most clueful people avoid these
creatures, since Usenet trolls know no fear and attack unceasingly,
demanding responses from their prey.
Usenet trolls are immune to flames (Flammae useneticae), which is
unfortunate, as most will try to attack them more...

The 5 toughest questions that women ask men, and the answers... The questions are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i. e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. more...

These are responses you may use when caught slepping on the job: "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me." "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!" "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress." "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." "The coffee machine is broken..." "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." ". .. in Jesus' name. Amen."

The 5 questions most feared by men are:
1...What are you thinking about?
2...Do you love me?
3...Do I look fat?
4...Do you think she is prettier than me?
5...What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e., tells the truth).
As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a...Baseball. b...Football. c...How fat you are. d...How much prettier she is than you. e...How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps more...

The 5 questions most feared by men are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best more...