Restaurant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says,"Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too." Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?" Bernie says, "You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me...""Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife..."Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"

"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "how dare you serve me this! There's a bloody twig in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says,"Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?"Bernie says, "You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me...""Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife..."Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"

"Maitre d!" shouted the angry diner, "there's a fly in my soup! What's the meaning of this?"
Bowing politely, the mustachioed gentleman said, "I couldn't say. May I recommend a good fortune-teller?"

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another man riding on a camel. As the rider approaches, the crawling man whispers through his parched lips, "Water. .. please. .. can you give. .. water. .."
"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water with me. But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
"Necktie?" whispers the man. "I need water!"
"They're only four dollars apiece."
"I need water."
"Okay, okay, two for seven dollars."
"Please! I need water!" the man exclaims.
"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman, as he heads off into the distance.
By now the man has lost all track of time, crawling through the desert seemingly for days. Finally, nearly dead, with clothes tattered and skin peeling under the relentless sun, he comes upon a restaurant. Summoning his last bit of more...

An elderly couple were on a road trip and stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. They finished their lunch and it wasn't until they were back on the highway that the old woman realized she had left her glasses behind at the restaurant.
They had to continue on the highway for quite some distance before they were able to find a spot to turn around. The old man grumbled and complained all the way back to the restaurant.
When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too!"

Two mothers met for coffee one morning, and the conversation naturally turned to their kids.
"Well, Martina, how are your kids?", asks Jessica.
"To tell you the truth," says Martina, "my George has married a witch! She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? NO! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Hmmm... and how is your daughter?", Jessica asks.
"Ah!", says Martina. "Cathy has married a saint! He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy all she needs, and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at a nice, fancy restaurant."