Restricted Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and wife went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband enjoyed fishing at the crack of dawn, while the wife preferred to read.
One morning, the husband returned after fishing for a few hours and decided to take a nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. Not being familiar with the lake, she rowed out, anchored the boat and began to read her book.
A short time later, the sheriff pulled up alongside in his boat, and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied.
"I'm sorry, but you're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" the woman argued.
"But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'm going to have to take you in and write you up," he replied.
"Well, if you do that then I will charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.
"I haven't even touched you," grumbled the more...

(This joke is best told and not read. It helps if you can do dialects.)
Time: late 1940's
Place: New York
There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen visiting the Big Apple
when they decided it was getting late and they needed to find a room
for the night. As they passed one hotel, one man says to the other, "Why
don't we try this one?" The other says, "Are you crazy? It says on the
sign that this is a restricted hotel. You know what that means? It
means they don't let Jews in!" To which the first man replies,
"Restricted, reschmicted. Let's go in and have a little fun. Just
let me do all the talking."
So the two men enter and approach the desk clerk.
Man: (in thick Yiddish accent) We want a room!
Clerk: (Flustered. With a "Connecticut clench") I'm sorry, but this
is a RESTRICTED hotel. We do NOT allow Jewish people to stay here.
Man: What makes you think I'm Jewish? more...

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?'
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's more...

Mrs Oppenheimer decided to get away from the often inclement weather of New York and spend Christmas in the deep South of the USA. Being unfamiliar with that part of the world she wandered into a' restricted' hotel and said' Hi. I'm Mrs Oppenheimer and I'd like a room for the next week.'' I'm very sorry,' said the manager, but all our rooms are taken. Just as he said that a customer came to the desk and unexpectedly checked out.' How lucky' responded Mrs Oppenheimer,' Now you have a room for me.'' Look, I'm very sorry' said the manager, but this is a restricted hotel. Jews are not allowed here.' Jewish! Whaddya mean Jewish. I happen to be a Catholic.'' That takes some believing' said the manager. Tell me, who was the Son of God?'' Jesus.' she replied' Where was he born?'' In a stable in Bethleham..... simply because some Schmuck like you wouldn't rent a room to a Jew.'