Result Jokes / Recent Jokes
Father: What's your result, son?
Son: Maths-10
Science-12
English-8
S. S.-13
Father: Your result is very very poor!
Son: Sorry! father. By mistake I took out your result from your old file.
A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"
"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result.
Wednesday went by with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.
A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"
"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result.
Wednesday went by with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.
Established 1903 - We support monkey business
Ho Ho Ho,
Hello out there all people of the world.
This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas
may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes
and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results.
The first result showed
428, 534, 120 Good
428, 523, 119 Bad
The second result showed
428, 534, 118 Good
428, 523, 121 Bad
So you see, I can't, with good faith, go out and deliver presents
while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny
was good for once, then again, maybe not.
So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. to help
do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th
of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer.
You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I
made them myself, I forgot what they meant.
You know, Good... and Bad??? And the check marks I used were more...
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED
TORNIQUET: Do not apply a more...
Three bushies were sitting around a campfire one night when one bloke started complaining about his useless cattle dog.
"I'd give $100 to anybody who can make him do anything on command," he spat. "Watch this."
The bloke commanded the dog to sit, roll over and play dead, all with no result.
The second bushie said, "Give me a go."
He commanded the dog to sit, roll over and play dead, all with no result. After an hour he gave up in disgust.
The third bushie stands up and says, "I'll take that $100."
Then he grabs the dog, throws him into the campfire and yells, "Get out of there, boy!"