Returns Jokes / Recent Jokes

This duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender again says no, and the duck leaves.
Two days later the duck returns walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender, losing his patience, screams at the duck, "I told you duck, I don't have any grapes and if you ask me again I will nail your feet to the floor!!"
The duck looked startled and leaves.
Two days later the duck returns walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

One day a cop was walking along in the ghetto. He came upon a guy sitting on the curb and thinking. He went up to the guy.
"What are you doing," the cop asks."
I'm just thinking about starting a bar right over there, but I can't think of a name for the place," the man replied."
If you can come up with a name for me I'll give you a free drink,"the guy said. The cop likes this idea, so the first thing he thinks of he tells the man."
How about Susie," the cop suggests.
"Susie, I like it. Come back tomorrow for you're drink," said the man.
The cop returns to the ghetto the next day. The guy is sitting on the curb again."
What about Susie?"
the cop asked."
The man answered," I thought about it and I decided I didn't like it.I'll give you two drinks if you come up with a better name" The cop thought for a moment and said" Susie's Legs" The man agreed and told the cop to more...

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over more...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

When the math professor's wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband:

My dearest wife,

We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I'm in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I'll be home before midnight.

Your husband, who will never stop loving you.

When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:

My beloved husband,

You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, more...

A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him? she asks.
"No I didn't -- it's three in the morning"
"Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?"
"Yes", comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes please!" comes the reply from the more...

While standing in his field one day a farmer was approached by a little boy who asked, "Hey Mr farmer, I would like to get a bucket of milk from your Bull if you don't mind."

The farmer said, "Wait a minute son, you get milk from a cow not bulls."

"Not where I come from," said the boy. He goes away and comes back later with a bucket of milk.

The boy returns later saying, "Hey Mr farmer, I see you have a Honeysuckle patch at the end of your road, I'd like to get a bucket of honey if you don't mind."

The farmer says, "Wait a minute son, honey comes from bees not honeysuckles."

"Not where I come from", says the little boy. He goes away and returns later with the bucket of honey saying, "Thanks Mr farmer".

The farmer has a shocked look on his face as the little boy walks away. Shortly thereafter the little boy returns saying, "Hey Mr Farmer, I notice more...