Review Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by more...

Dear Employee:As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).Under the terms of the new policy, an more...

Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3. 95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality. The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

A Clarification - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
A Conference - A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
A Meeting - A mass mulling by master minds.
A Program - Any assignment that can''t be completed by one telephone call.
Action is being taken - Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.
Action please - Get yourself involved for me. Don''t worry, I''ll claim the credit.
Basic agreement has been reached: The @##$%%''s won''t even talk to us.
Channels - be trail left by the interoffice memo.
Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.
Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
Copy to - Here''s a share of the headache.
Essentially complete: It''s half done.
Expedite - To confound confusion with commotion
For your approval, please - Put your more...

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. Your many dimensions are mind boggling (different than beer goggling, which I'll touch upon shortly). Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kabob with chili more...

The Stanford Law Review runs the following quote on their masthead:
"For every thousand people hacking at the leaves of evil there
is one chopping at the roots."
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following:
"For every person hacking at the leaves of evil there are a thousand
smoking the stuff."

This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4. 0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4. 0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought more...