Richard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Richard!
Richard who?
Richard poor have little in common!

Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How areyou, Richard?" asked George. "Im not feeling too good today, Im utterlyexhausted," replied Richard. "Ive pulled a muscle, and its killing me." "Imsurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richardyawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."

As a show of love As a show of love, business partners Richard'1 and Stanford agreed that whoever died first, thei other would put five thousand dollars cash in his; coflfin. As it happened, when Stanford died Richard was so distraught that he made the checlr out for ten thousand dollars.

What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and your MIL?
Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, your MIL doesn't know the difference.

Why did Richard Nixon become President?
Everyone called him Dick! They judged him by his name!

From the Zeitgeist column of The Guardian Weekend (18 Dec 1993)
On his LBC show last week, Sun* columnist Richard Littlejohn railed against a politically correct nursery school in Essex, whose Christmas play featured not Santa Claus but MOTHER Christmas ("to explore issues of femininity and feminism").
Littlejohn complained that it was using Christmas to indoctrinate children and that it "debases and devalues Christmas"
"Mother Christmas doesn't exist!" he protested.
Zeitgeist hates to be the one to have to tell him, but someone's got to; Richard, neither does FATHER Christmas.
( * The Sun is a rabidly right-wing daily tabloid, aimed at people who do not need to take their shoes and socks off to register their IQ score.)

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton are on the titanic. When it starts to sink Carter yells, "Quick, save the women and children!" Nixon: "Screw the women and children" Clinton: "Do we have time?"