Rifle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. Dont waste your time, Pat hollered. The rifle is not loaded. I cant wait, Mike shouted back. The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a more...

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

The trip to the rifle range had been canceledAt one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for thesecond year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.One soldier mused,? Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn`t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run??

Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.(South Carolina Dumb Laws)

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.

So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"
They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"
They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so more...

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
Interviewer: ” So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? ”
General reinwald: ‘We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. ”
Interviewer: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range. ”
Interviewer: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see how, …. we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm. ”
Interviewer: ” But you’re equipping them to become violent killers. more...