Scope Jokes

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says,
"You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

Golfing Hitman

There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say,' 'Sure.''

So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.

The guy says,' 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.''

So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says,' 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'' The hit man replies,' 'Sure.''

So the guy looks for a second and says,' 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. more...

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0. 30, $0. 40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of. . . - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1. 29 = $10. 32 per gallon - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1. 19 = $9. 52 per gallon - Gatorade 20 oz for $1. 59 = $10. 17 per gallon - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1. 25 = $10. 00 per gallon - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1. 59 = $6. 32 per gallon - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1. 49 = $21. 19 per gallon - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3. 15 = $33. 60 per gallon - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8. 35 = $178. 13 per gallon - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3. 85 = $123. 20 per gallon - Whiteout 7 oz for $1. 39 = $254. 17 per gallon - Scope 1. 5 oz for $0. 99 = $84. 84 per gallon So next time you're at the pump, be glad your more...

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective:
Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19... $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade... 20 oz $1.59... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray... 16 oz $1.25... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid... 12 oz $3.15... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol... 4 oz $3.85... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout... 7 oz $1.39... $25.42 per gallon
Scope... 1.5 oz $0.99... $84.48 per gallon
and this is the REAL KICKER...
>Evian water 9 oz for $1.49... $21.19 per gallon.
$21.19 FOR WATER!....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the name Evian, is Naive turned around, and the Canadians are selling it by the millions of gallons to the US.
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the more...

This hit man decided he needed a new scope for his sniper. So he heads to this new shop that had just opened up and walks in. He introduces himself to the owner and tells him he has $20000 to spend on a new scope. The owner says "well i have this new one that just got in, it can see ages away. If you look through that window there you can see my house on that hill. "So the customer looks through the scope at the house.The owner asks "well what d'ya see?" the customer looks at him wryly and says "i can a man and a women running around naked" the owner reaches behind his counter and pulls out 2 bullets and says "if you take these 2 bullets and blow my wife's head off and that milk man's dick off i'll give you the scope for free" so the customer loads the bullets and looks through the scope and says "ya know what? i reckon i can do that in one shot."