Exec Jokes

Dear Friends:
Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.
Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level... right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
BUT NOW YOU CAN HELP!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem,... but it's a start!
Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing political asses in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage more...

Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!
Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander "Sonar - Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth" "Conn - Sonar, I hold no contacts - how 'bout you..?" "Sonar - Conn, Supervisor to the Conn"
QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts." NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water." EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water." CAPT: "What, no water,...very well, secure the showers."

here's one for all those who feel tired after a stressful working day...
An executive goes to see his doctor, complaining of feeling worn out all the time due to his long working hours. The doctor asks him a few questions about his lifestyle.
Doc: "So, do you and your wife have an active sex-life?"
Exec: "Yes, doc, twice a day, once in the morning before I go to work and again last thing at night."
Doc: "Hmm, and any other love interests?"
Exec: "Actually, my secretary, twice a day, once at eleven o'clock when she brings my mid-morning coffee and again at four o'clock when she brings my afternoon tea."
Doc: "Hhhhmmmmm, and so you make love a total of four times a day?!"
Exec: "Actually, I also see my mistress twice a day, at lunch-time and we make love, and I pop round to see her on my way home from work and we make love then, too."
Doc: "My God, man, no wonder you're always feeling more...

Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!

Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander

"Sonar - Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth"

"Conn - Sonar, I hold no contacts - how' bout you..?"

"Sonar - Conn, Supervisor to the Conn"

QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts."

NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water."

EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water."

CAPT: "What, no water,. .. very well, secure the showers."

An executive with a new young wife and a yen for golf decided about December one year that he couldn't take it any longer. So he said to his wife one evening, "Honey, next Friday we're going to Hilton Head for the weekend. We'll get a condo on the golf course and I'm going to play golf all weekend." "That sounds fine," she purred. And, sure enough, next Saturday morning at 6 a.m., found him on the golf course, all alone. After playing two holes, he noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. The exec. waited, and the other man arrived, saying, "Mind if I play along?" The exec. said, "Fine. Glad to have the company." All went well for a couple of holes, until each approached the sixth green. When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one club. The exec. noticed, however, that it wasn't a club at all. It was a high powered rifle. "Whoa," he said. "That's a high powered rifle!" more...