Ring Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman goes to a party and leaves her husband at home to watch the football game. At the party the bartender recognized her wedding ring on the wrong finger so he ask her "Why is your wedding ring on the wrong finger mam?" "Well you don’t miss a thing do you and your right it is, and it’s because I married the wrong man!"
(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)
Dogs tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening'.
It's yellow, not white - I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
There are three well known rings to marriage:
Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering!
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature!
Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats!
But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout, 'My husbands home! My husband's home!'
What a gal I married!
And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage...
...Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
...Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
...Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.
...Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
...Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
...Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50 or hovering over 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to be nice and conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC, California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world.
So I made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together:
1. A nose ring and bifocals,
2. Spiked hair and bald spots,
3. A pierced tongue and dentures,
4. Miniskirts and support hose,
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads,
6. Speedos and cellulite,
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar,
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor,
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge,
10. Bikinis and liver spots,
11. more...
The Jewish diamond ring
A businessman boarded a plane and sat next to Hannah, an elegant woman wearing the largest and most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Egoheimer diamond," Hannah said, "it`s beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What`s the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr Egoheimer."
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature! Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats! But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout, 'My husbands home! My husband's home!' What a gal I married! And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage... Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering....Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?...Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss....Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence....Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license....Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!