Riverbank Jokes

A man had just lost his job and was feeling very depressed, so he climbed up onto the railing of a high bridge and was ready to jump. He happened to look down and saw a little man with no arms dancing all around the riverbank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and he got down from the railing. He then walked down to the riverbank to thank the man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said, "I was feeling so depressed that I was going to jump off the bridge and kill myself. Then I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms, and I changed my mind."
"Dancing? Who the hell is dancing?!?" the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole is itchy and I can't scratch it!"

After a long period of unemployment, a lumberjack finally succeeds in finding work. After six months of being out in the boonies and being totally bored to death during his off-hours, he asks one of his coworkers:
"Ya know, I've been out here in the middle of nowhere for six months now, and I'm dying for some excitement. Any women around here?"
His friend answers "Sorry, Bud, no women around here, but if it's excitement you really want, tell ya what... There's an old cabin down by the riverbank, and an old guy name'a Charlie lives there. If you don't mind spending a little money, Charlie will show you the time of your life."
"NO. NO WAY! I DON'T GO IN FOR THAT KINDA STUFF! WHAT THE HELL D'YOU THINK I AM, ANYWAY?"
"Okay, but you're gonna be out here for a long time..."
"I don't care. I'm not doing anything like that, so forget it."
And so...
Six months after this conversation took place, the fella goes back more...