"Ready To Jump" joke
A man had just lost his job and was feeling very depressed, so he climbed up onto the railing of a high bridge and was ready to jump. He happened to look down and saw a little man with no arms dancing all around the riverbank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and he got down from the railing. He then walked down to the riverbank to thank the man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said, "I was feeling so depressed that I was going to jump off the bridge and kill myself. Then I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms, and I changed my mind."
"Dancing? Who the hell is dancing?!?" the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole is itchy and I can't scratch it!"
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...