Rob Jokes

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6. 9% to 24. 9%. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. You receive care packages from Europe. Your bologna has no first name. You rob Peter... and then rob Paul. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You give blood everyday - for the orange juice. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. Consumer Credit Counseling services said "No." The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets

Sure signs that you're broke!
1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

6. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

7. You rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

9. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

10. Your bologna has no first name.

11. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

12. Sally Struthers sends you food.

13. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

14. At communion you go back for seconds.

Differences Between Men & Women
NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till more...

A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank. But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?" The customer replies, "Well, yes!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID. .. YOU. .. SEE. .. ME. .. ROB... THIS... BANK?" The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

One day a man grows sick of his alcohol problem and how it has really messed up his life so he gets an appointment with an Alcoholics Anonymous therapy group.

He stands up in the group and says "my name is Rob and I'm an alcoholic... I decided to curb my problem when I woke up in a motel with a real dog after drinking about 20 beers."

The next guy pipes up, "Oh that's nothing I slept with my cousin because of my drinking"

Rob continues despite the interruption, "and the worst part was when I rolled over and saw the sheep"