Robe Jokes / Recent Jokes

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "Youre going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? Theres a bass player named Mingus and a pianist named Monk, and any day now we expect this Blakey guy to show up with his drums."Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good."The man in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. Theres a girl singer."

Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly believe it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob and said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do you think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drooled a bit and finally said' Your ears.'' What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!'' Well,' said Bob' In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was me!'

There was a priest who got into a car wreck and died. At the pearly gates there was a long line in front of the priest and the person right in front of the priest was the taxi driver.

When the taxi driver was the next person in line, Saint Peter takes one look at him and gives him a silk robe and a golden staff and sends him into heaven.

Then Saint Peter looks at the Priest and hands him a cotton robe and a wooden staff and sends him into heaven.

The Priest was perplexed and asked Saint Peter,"He why did the taxi driver get all of the fancy stuff while I get this cheap stuff." Then Saint Peter calmly said,"When you were preaching people were sleeping, and when the Taxi driver was driving people were praying."

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, Chris, he went to the store."
"Well, do you mind if I wait?"
"No, come on in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I've ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures, what the hell, a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows him one. He thanks her and promptly throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, " They are just so beautiful! I've got to see them both. I'll give you another hundred if I could just see them both together."
Sara say what the hell, opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another hundred bucks on the table and says he can't wait any longer for Tony and more...

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named' Mingus' and a pianist named' Monk', and any day now we expect this' Blakey' guy to show up with his drums.
"Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good."
The man in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer."

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie." St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

On their first night together, a newlywed couple gets ready for bed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished with her beauty. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "Oh my goodness, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why are you wearing a robe, we are married now." The man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!