Rolls Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Philadelphia son.
When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I more...

One Friday afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window:

"How can I help you?"

"I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?"

With a smile in his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window:

"What can I do for you?"

"I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?"

Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke of takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and more...

Yo momma's so fat she's got more rolls than a bakery.

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her.
''We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?''
''Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?''

The car ride
Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.
"Sure," said Morry, "I`ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."
As they`re driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what`s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?"
"That`s my digital clock."
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what`s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"
"That`s my tachometer," says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what`s that...."
"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you`ve never been in a Rolls Royce before."
"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.
The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king!"
She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.
She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.
Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her... "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and again proceeds more...