Ron Jokes / Recent Jokes

With their 30th wedding anniversary approaching, Ron asks his wife, Sylvia, what she wants to celebrate the occasion.
"Would you like to have a new mink coat?" Ron asks.
"No, not really," Sylvia responds.
"Well, how about a new Porche?" asks Ron.
"No, thanks," Sylvia replies.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?" Ron suggests.
"No," says Sylvia.
"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Ron asks.
"I'd like a divorce, Ron," answers Sylvia.
"Sorry, honey, I wasn't planning on spending that much," replies Ron.

It was Christmas Eve and Ron had still not bought anything for his
for Christmas. So, on his way home, he stopped at that famous department store, Nacy's.
I'll just get her some nice perfume, he thought, as he entered the store. Walking up to the perfume counter, Ron said, "I'm looking for a nice perfume for my wife for Christmas."
The cosmetics clerk said, "Certainly, we have several very fine perfumes. And she proceeded to show him a bottle of "Elegance, $75 an ounce.
"That's a bit out of my price range, Ron said.
The clerk returned a moment later with another perfume, "Leave Him Wondering, for only $35 an ounce.
"That's still quite a lot, he grumbled.
So the clerk brought out a bottle of "Smells Like Heaven, only $20 an ounce.
At this, Ron grew a bit angry. "Geez, he exclaimed, "Can't you show me something real cheap?"
In response, the clerk handed him a mirror.

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

"Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George.

"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they more...

Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today." I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.

On September 4 1999 at 9. 30 a. m. Ron Guptey of N. S. W Australia went into hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call examined him, he found severe swelling around the anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen such a thing before.

Two more doctors examined Ron but they too were left confused about what was happening. Through the day Ron's was deteriorating he had developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his abdomen. The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2. 57 p. m. when he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead.

An investigation was led to discover the reason of death. The body was placed in for a post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3 or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine.

The police had found a tree with a cut of branch along the side in Ron's back more...