Rooms Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hasbro has announced the updated version of the popular board game Clue, featuring new rooms and new weapons. The new rooms include the home theatre and spa. The new weapons include a baseball bat, to bludgeon to death, an axe, to hack to death, and Paris Hilton, to bore you to death.

(I was reminded of this one by the "replaced-dead-rabbit" joke)
A carpet installer decides to take a cigarette break after completing
the installation in the first of several rooms he has to do. Finding
them missing from his pocket he begins searching, only to notice a small
lump in his recently completed carpet-installation. Not wanting to rip
up all that work for a lousy pack of cigarettes he simply walks over and
pounds the lump flat. He decides to forgo the break continues on to the
other rooms to be carpeted.
At the end of the day he's completed his work and loading his tools into
his trucks when two events occur almost simultaneously: he spies his
pack of cigarettes on the dashboard of the truck, and the lady of the
house calls out "Have you seen my parakeet?"

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.
So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says “No, please show me the next room”.
Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.
Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.
So the guy says, “I’ll choose this room”. Satan says O. K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, “Well, it could be worse”, when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says “O. K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads! ”

Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold, the floor was gold, the roof was gold, the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.
They were shown to there rooms by a maid, she had golden hair, golden dress, golden tights, golden shoes, golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.
The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds, golden pillows, golden windows, golden toothbrushes, golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .
They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps, golden mirrors, golden tiles and a golden toilet.
They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls, golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks, golden spoons and a golden table cloth.
Theh golden more...

Rather than study for their upcoming exam, the two college seniors decided to party instead. When they went in for their exam the following day, they told their professor that their car had broken down the previous night due to a flat tire, and they required more time to study.
The professor said he would allow them one more day to study. That evening they both crammed all night, until they felt they knew just about everything.
When they arrived at school the next morning, they were told to go to separate rooms to take their exam. Not understanding why, they shrugged and went to the rooms assigned to them, each in different areas of the school.
As each sat down, they read the first question, 'For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom'. They answered the question with ease and felt the exam was going to be a piece of cake.
They then proceeded to the second question, 'For 95 points, which tire'!

Dog Rules... 1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Theres these three guys who walk into a hotel and ask for three different rooms. The clerk says ok but some people say this place is haunted by a ghosts. Ahh who cares we want some sleep, replied one of them.
so they all got different rooms. the first guy is unpacking his stuff when this ghosts comes ans says I'm the ghost of lambourgigi I'll cut of your balls and eat your wenie.
he eats his penis and goes away.
The next guy is unpacking his stuff when the ghost comes and says I'm the ghost of lambourgini I'll cut off your balls and eat your winie. And he does it and leaves.
the last guy is unpacking his stuff when the ghost comes and says I'm the ghost of lambourgini I'll cut off your balls and eat your winie. the guy replies, well Im the ghost of christmas past touch my balls i kick your ass!