Rotten Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunk staggers walks into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef.' Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?' Gus replies,' I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.' The waiter says,' Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference.' Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks,' Where'd you get those eggs?' She replies,' We have our own chicken farm.' The drunk asks,' Do you have a rooster?' No,' she says. The drunk replies,' Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens.'

A drunk stumbled into a diner and ordered a couple of eggs. Suspecting that they had run out, the waitress went to the kitchen to check with the cook.
"Hey, Mel, do we have any more eggs?" the waitress asked.
"We're all out of fresh eggs," Mel replied. "All that's left is two rotten eggs."
"Give him the rotten eggs. He's so drunk, he won't even know the difference," said the waitress.
Mel scrambled up the rotten eggs and piled on some hash browns, bacon and toast. The drunk was so hungry, he gobbled down the breakfast without saying a word. He then went to the cashier to pay, and asked, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
"We have our own chicken farm, sir," she answered politely.
"Do you have a rooster?" the drunk asked.
"No, sir, we don't," she replied.
"Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens," slurred the drunk.

December 14, 2003Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, AgnesDecember 15, 2003Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtule doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.With all of my love, Your AgnesDecember 16, 2003Dearest Dave, You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised-what more should I expect from such a nice person.Love, AgnesDecember 17, 2003Dear Dave, Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic.Affectionately, AgnesDecember 18, 2003Dearest darling Dave, It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for more...

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Gloria.
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm absolutely delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Gloria
December 16th
Dear John:
Well, aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens.. they are simply darling, but I must insist... you're just too kind.
Love, Gloria
December 17th
Today, the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Gloria
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today, the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each more...

A gentleman is returning home after a lengthy trip, and is met by his servant at the station. This is
the conversation that they have on their way to his home:
"So, has anything happened while I've been away?"
"No, sir, I can't think of anything at all worth mentioning."
"Come now, I've been away for weeks. Surely something must have happened in all that time."
"Well, sir, come to think of it, your dog died."
"My *dog* died? How awful! Still, he was getting on in years, and I suppose it had to happen some
time. How did he die?"
"The vet said it was probably from eating the rotten meat."
"The rotten meat? Since when do we leave rotten meat lieing around for the dog to eat?"
"Well, it was the horses, sir. They'd been rotting for some time after the barn burned down."
"Good heavens. How in the world did the barn burn down?"
"It must more...

December 14thDearest John:I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.With dearest love and affection, Agnes
December 15thDearest John:Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.All my love, Agnes
December 16thDear John:Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist... you're just too kind.Love Agnes
December 17thToday the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.Affectionately, Agnes
December 18thDearest John:What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were more...

A man walks into bar, sits on a nearby stool and ganders at a large jug of money. Upon pondering, he asks the bartender, "How much money is in there?"
The bartender, with a gentle smile replied, "26,000,000.."
The man jumped up with his eyes about ready to emerge from their sockets. He asked, "So is it for the poor? Or is it lika a charity?"
The bartender shook his head."No no no! That money is for the first person to complete three tasks."
A little curious, the man said, "Is that so? Well, I'm sure I could get them done, so what are they?"
Grinning slightly, the bartender replied, "First task: You must chug down a 5 gallon bucket of beer. Second task: You must pull a rotten tooth from a wolf with rabies. Then for your final task, you must have sex with a 100 year old grandmother located upstairs."
The man gulped a little, but replied, "Well, that still sounds like a deal!"
The man more...