Round Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bobby walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hmm?"
Bobby says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Bobby comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Bobby looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here." "What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look." And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck." Rover," says the man, "daven!"." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck." Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven." That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could more...

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?" "Yup, shore am!" "How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Ten pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds." The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

Bishen Singh Bedi stands in the centre of a marketplace, tossing a cricket ball and addressing passersby.' Behno aur bhaiyoV Soon a large crowd collects round him. Bedi continues to toss the cricket ball and yells:' Brothers and sisters!'

A man approaches him and asks:' Sardar//' why don't you say something? See the enormous crowd you have collected.'

Replies Bedi:' Sir, you have no doubt seen lots of fools play with different kinds of balls on different kinds of playing fields. But I bet you haven't seen so many fools gather round one cricket ball.'

Q: How do you confuse a stupid person?
A: Put them in a round room and tell them to sit
in the corner.

Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
(to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")
Lacy things - the wife is missin,
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Marvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' round in women's underwear!

1. "You get this one, next round is on me."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
2. "I'll get this one, next one is on you."
(Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)
(I'm easy.)
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)
(I'm gay.)
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)
8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
(You are paying more attention to your more...