Ruin Jokes / Recent Jokes
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton
I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky
I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- more...
1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing' em. -Sue Grafton
8. I'm not going to vacuum' til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
9. I think, therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead
Q: How do you ruin a French party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
A super model walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had
to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how
it happened?
The super mode said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck
the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't
want to ruin it.
So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too
long ago, and I don't want to ruin it!
Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had breasts enlarged, and I
don't want to ruin them!
So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!
An American and a Russian archaeologist were bragging to a Sardarji. The Russian said that while digging an ancient ruin in Russia he came across some thick cables; therefore he claimed that the Russians had the telegraph system long before it was invented. The American said that while digging a ruin in America he found thin cables. This indicated that his ancestors used telephones. Now the Sardarji spoke. He said that while digging ruins in India, men could find nothing; no cables, no wires. It clearly proved that his ancestors used the most sophisticated wireless system.