Rush Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is on his way home from work during rush hour. Suddenly, his phone rings. It's his wife.
"Honey, I want you to be careful driving home from work tonight, they said on the news that there's some maniac driving the wrong way on the freeway." She says, to which the man replies, "One? There's like 500 of 'em out here!"

Two piggies walk into a bar, get drunk and ask, ''Where's the bathroom?'' The bartender points to the door and they rush in.
Two more piggies walk into a bar. They soon get drunk and they ask, ''Where's the bathroom?'' The bartender points to the door and they rush in.
One piggy walks into a bar. He gets drunk out of his mind and then heads for the exit. ''Hey, buddy! Do you wanna know where the bathroom is?'' says the bartender.
''No thanks,'' the piggy slurs, ''I always go WEEWEEWEE all the way home!''

It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle was jammed with standing commuters. One woman, precariously balanced on spike heels, clung to a handgrip. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers. There was silence and all eyes turned on the threesome. Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped, "All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I'm a Laplander!"

Two little piggies walk into a bar, get drunk and ask the bartender, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in.
Two more little piggies walk into a bar. They soon get drunk and they ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender again points to the door and they both rush in.
One little piggy walks into a bar. He gets drunk out of his mind and then heads for the exit.
"Hey, buddy! Do you wanna know where the bathroom is?" says the bartender.
"No thanks," the piggy slurs, "I always go WEE WEE WEE all the way home!"

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
They ask,"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart!"

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?""It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart!"