Russia Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you have been in Russia too long when. ..
You have to think twice about throwing away the empty instant coffee jar.
You carry a plastic shopping bag with you "just in case."
You say he/she is "on the meeting" (as opposed to the more proper "at the" or "in a" meeting).
You answer the phone by saying "allo, allo, allo" before giving the caller a chance to respond.
You save table scraps for the cat(s) living in the courtyard.
When crossing the street, you sprint.
In winter, you choose your route first by determining which icicles are least likely to impale you on the head.
You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
You let the telephone ring at least 3-4 times before you pick it up because it is probably a miss-connection or electric fault.
You hear the radio say it is just at or below freezing outside and you think it might be nice day for a change.
You argue with a more...

This man was jailed in China, shot at in Russia, and chased by armed men in Mexico. Now he has a spot in the Guinness book of World Records.

What record?

Most convincing player of "Got your nose."

While touring Russia the Joneses had a very pleasant walking tour with their guide, Rudolph, until the very end of the day. It began to precipitate, and Mr. Jones said, "It would have to start snowing before we reach the hotel."
"Pardon," said the guide, "but that's not snow: It's rain."
Mr. Jones shook his head. "Sorry, friend, but you're wrong. It's snow."
"Rain," the Russian said confidently.
"Snow."
"Rain, Comrade."
Getting red in the face, Mr. Jones was about to yell at the guide when his wife lay a cautioning hand on his arm.
"Please," she said to Mr. Jones, "control you-self. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Russia!
Russia who?
Russia though you meal and you'll be sick!

Osama bin Laden threatened Russia: If you get caught up in this war... Ill hide from you too!

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are in a train.

The Russian opens his pack and removes a bottle of vodka. He says to the others, "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world. So vast are the quantities of superior vodka that we make in Russia, that we can just throw it away." After this, he stands, opens the window, and throws the bottle through it. He closes the window. Everyone else is visibly impressed.

After a moment, the Cuban takes out a pack of cigars. He removes one, lights it, blows a ring of smoke and says, "Well, in Cuba we don't concern ourselves too much with vodka. We make the best cigars in the whole world. We have so many great cigars, we can just throw them away." And he gets up, takes his entire box of cigars, and throws it out the window, and closes the window again.

The American stands, without a word, opens the window and throws the lawyer through it.

President Bush proved to everyone that he wasn't afraid and started eating the biggest word he could find.