Sack Jokes / Recent Jokes

The night before Chreemas, on Thorsday I theenk,
I go to cantina to geet me a dreenk.
I dreenk saam tequila, I dreenk eet too fast,
Preety damn queek, I fall on my ass.

I peek myself up and go home to bed,
I pool the cobija up ober my head.
Early next morning, or late een the night,
I heer such damn recket, I theenk eet's a fight.

I geet outta bed, I don feel very well,
My head ees too beeg, eet hort me like hell.
I go to the weendow, I don believe what I see,
A pot-bellied greengo, as plain as can be.

I looook at heez ropa, ees all colored red,
He got heem some chivos tied on to a sled.
I yella and I holler, "Hey, move your fat ass,
Your chivos--they chit on my grass!"

He torn to heez goats, he say just one word,
And them damn chivos chomp in the air like a bord.
They corcle around, and then queek as a mouse,
He land that damn sled on top of my more...

a blonde a brunette and a redhaed are running from the cops.Finally the cops surrond them in a barn. So the brunette jumps in next to the cows, the redhead jumps in next to the chickens, and the blonde jumps into a sack of potatoes....so then the police go to the cows and ask "is anyone here?" So the brunette says "mooo..." Then the redhead goes to the chickens and askes "is anyone here?" So the redhead says "cluck cluck cluck..." But then the police get yo the sack of potatoes and ask "is anyone here?" And so the blonde says"p-o-t-a-t-o-e"...lol..

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes...
Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks...DOH!

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.

A Louisiana man walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet, stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river.
A few moments later another Louisiana man walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river.
A few miles down river the two men catch up to one another and the first man says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The second replies,"They didn`t last year."

There were these three girls: a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They were all running from the police for the same thing.
So they all run into an alley. There is nothing there but a trash can, a dumpster, and a potato sack.
So then the brunette runs and jump in the trash can and says "when the police come and kick the trash can ima sound like a cat meow meow.
Then the red head goes and jumps in the dumpster and says "when the police come and kick the dumpster ima sound like a dog woof woof.
then the blonde is looking around and says "well there is nothing left but a potato sack.
So the police come into the alley and kicks the trash can and the brunette says meow meow like a cat. then they go and kick the dumpster and the red head goes woof woof like a dog. finally the go to the potato sack and kick it and the blonde goes po-ta-to!!

If your favorite color is:
RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware!
YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don't panic, not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire.
PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, more...