Sacred Jokes

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

Two great winners of a riddle contest decide to have a match. One is the grand riddle king, while the other is a youngster who was avenging his father.
His father had lost a contest, and had been killed.
The old riddle king says,"You may not go inside the temple. You are too young and you are not sacred enough." The youngster answers," You may not go outside the temple. You are too old and so sacred that you should stay inside."
Moral: Treat others with courtesy, sometimes.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

After the New Jersey Supreme Court voted to legalize gay marriage in the state, George W. Bush restated his position that marriage is a "sacred institution."
Meanwhile in Las Vegas, a drunken homeless man picked up a crack whore at Jiggles strip club at 3 a.m. The two went to a wedding chapel where an Elvis impersonator on crystal meth joined them in said sacred institution.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing. "Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile? What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?" Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU". (The Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.) Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because nobody understood Chinese. -- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"