Saddam Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bush, Chirac and Saddam went to hell.
Bush wanted to call the US, so he called for one minute and then asked for the cost and he was told $1,000,000, so he paid.
Jacques Chirac wanted to call France so he called for one minute and he asked for the cost and he was told it's $1,000,000, so he paid.
Then Saddam wanted to call Iraq, so he called for ten minutes and he asked for the cost and he was told $10 and he paid it, but Bush and Chirac complained and wanted to know the reason, so the angel told them, "He made a local call."
MONDAYS:
08:00 - "Husseinfeld"
08:30 - "Mad About Everything"
09:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
09:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
08:00 - "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
08:30 - "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
09:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
09:30 - "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
08:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
08:30 - "When Kurds Attack"
09:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah"
09:30 - "Just Shoot Me"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
08:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
08:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
09:00 - "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, ShapelessDresses"
09:30 - more...
Q: Why did the Saddam trade one of his thirteen wives for
a new toilet?
A: The hole was smaller and smelled better.
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and a Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: What do you call two Iraqi women walking into a bar?
A: Incoming scuds!
Two Iraqis are chatting. One of them has his wallet out
and is flipping through pictures.
"This is my oldest. He's a martyr."
"Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
There's a pause. The second Iraqi says, wistfully, "Ah,
they blow up so fast, don't they?"
Top Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein
...Shares pain of economic embargo because he can only obtain
gold-plated replacement fixtures for solid gold bathtubs.
...Top scientists have finally unlocked technological secrets
of 8-track tapes and Pez dispensers, but have yet to procure
free HBO.
...Extensive private collection of Barbie dolls more...
The Cajuns heard Saddam Hussein was going to help Osama bin Laden and they decided this is WAR! Saddam was sitting in his bunker when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Boudreaux down at the Fred's lounge in Mamou, Looziannah. I'm callin' to tol you we be officially declarin' war on you!"
"Well, Boudreaux," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin Thibadeaux, my nex' door neighbor Justain, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Woo-eee!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!"
Sure enough, the next day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some war more...
Now that one plan offered by Bush to Saddam is exile, the question is Where? Roy Rivenburg of the L.A. Times (with a little help from the newspaper The Oregonian's column The Edge) have come up with some ideas:
Fox TV: Writes Rivenburg: "On the heels of' Joe Millionaire,' Fox could produce a new series called' Joe Dictator,' in which 20 beautiful women compete to become Saddam's mistress. During the courting process Saddam would tell the women he's the potentate of an oil-rich Middle Eastern nation. Not until the final episode would he reveal the truth -- that he has been driven from power and doesn't have a single weapon of mass destruction to his name."
Pro Wrestling: If World Wrestling Entertainment needs a new bad guy, he's the perfect candidate: Saddam Insane.
"The Real World: Las Vegas": Is there room for one more stranger in the infamous hot tub?
He could become O.J. Simpson's caddy or...
Al Gore's more...
Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.
Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.
A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United more...