Sale Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two fellows are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store.
The one fellow says to the other, "Well, what now? We've sold everything."
The other replies, "Don't worry, there's this really stupid guy who comes in here everyday. We'll have a few laughs on him."
Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, the stupid guy comes walking in, hands in pockets, looking around. "Tell me guys," asks the guys, "What have you guys got for sale today?"
One of the fellows says, "Well we're having a sale on assholes!"
The guy says, "Well, ya must be doing pretty good. Ya only got two left!"

This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas gift:
PHOTO PANTIES:
Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriend's panties for only $19.95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this can be put to.
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK II:
The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and includes questions about subjects such as the difference between Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.
FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS:
We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in extremely arid regions.
WAX BULLETS:
Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.
LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS:
Decorate your house in Southwestern style with our live tumbleweeds. Only $44.00.
MARS LANDERS:
NASA is offering its surplus Mars Landers for more...

Farmer Joe had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Joe's wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Joe's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking her in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Joe's minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Joe he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Joe and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
"Well," Joe replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my more...

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Newspaper Ads
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are
often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you
can find in the cartoons and comic strips:

o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children
$2. 00.
o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table,
pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and
fur collar.
o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.
o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
o Wanted: Unmarried girls more...

For sale by Owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1, 000. 00 or the best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows fucking everything!

An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbour's lawn;' Horse for Sale'. Curious, he decides to have a look-see. As he approaches his neighbour's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brushing down a fine-looking stallion.

'Hello friend, I saw your sign out there and came over to see your horse for sale.' Now, the Italian farmer speaks very poor English, but manages to answer well enough.' Yep, yep, disa is da horse for-a sale.'

'This horse here?' quizzes the old farmer,' Why he's a fine horse! Why-ever would you sell him?'

'Well,' sighs the Italian farmer,' He no looka so good anymore.'

The old farmer, convinced that his neighbour has lost his mind, makes the sale and leads the horse across his field over to the stable. As he taps the horse gently on the back to coax him into the stable, he watches as the horse misses the door completely and smacks head first into the wall.' That ol' more...