"Bandersnatch Christmas shopping list" joke

This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas gift:
PHOTO PANTIES:
Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriend's panties for only $19.95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this can be put to.
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK II:
The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and includes questions about subjects such as the difference between Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.
FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS:
We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in extremely arid regions.
WAX BULLETS:
Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.
LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS:
Decorate your house in Southwestern style with our live tumbleweeds. Only $44.00.
MARS LANDERS:
NASA is offering its surplus Mars Landers for only $37 million each. Guaranteed to vanish into interstellar space if launched.
VARIOUS ICBMs:
The Russian Strategic Rocket Forces is offering up to 32,000 intercontinental ballistic missiles for sale at bargain basement prices if purchased before December 31st. None are Y2K1 compliant. (them Russky's... always a year late!)
STUFFED PYGMY OWLS:
The Tucson Homebuilders Association has stuffed pygmy owls for sale. The endangered owls, which have shut down the home-building industry in that city, are great for use in stopping growth in your community. Complete with taped mating calls.
RAIN SOUNDS:
Great for drought-ridden areas, our CD is rain falling on the roof will allow you to pretend your local water supply will not vanish.
MONICA MASKS:
We still have a supply of Monica Lewinsky masks left over from Halloween. Great for scaring your boss.
GDU DIPLOMAS:
Our offer of free General Delivery University college diplomas is about to expire one of these years.
(c) Baja Arizona Publishing Company
Frumious Bandersnatch