Sales Jokes / Recent Jokes

An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main. Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile. The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.

"I want to speak to the manager," he demanded.

"I'm sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn't in today. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"You're damn right there is," he sputtered, his anger gushing out like urine in a pub. He reached into his pants pocket, extracted a tattered wallet and slammed it down on the counter. "I bought this piece of shit here only two months ago and now look at it. It's falling apart. Forty-nine ninety-five it cost me! Forty-nine ninety-five," he added for more emphasis. "Can you believe that?" His face was getting redder.

The clerk wasn't sure what to say to him. She only hoped the top of his head stayed put. She picked up the wallet more...

The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you've
been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”“Thanks,” said the employee.“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.”

The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't batan eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina."What are you going to use it for?" she asked. "None of your business," answered the customer, beetred and throughly offended. "Calm down, buddy," soothed the salesgirl. " The onlyreason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't haveto charge you sales tax."

GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobile gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, more...

“George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complained to his secretary. “It's a wonder he can sell and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back.”Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. “You'll never guess what
happened!” he shouted. “While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn't
bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this
half-million dollar order!”“See,” sighed the sales manager to his secretary. “I told you he'd forget the
sandwiches.”

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags
Detroit-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market
down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win
airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in
all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997
sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super
Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car more...

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win AirbagsDetroit - With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11% since 1997, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 2004 cars. "Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 2004 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 2004, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, 'Oh, boy, this could more...