Sales Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's begun. And the Gap is to blame. They've got brightly-
dressed people having a snowball fight in a new commercial. To
the sound of "The Little Drummer Boy."
That would be the Christmas Carol, "The Little Drummer Boy. Not
the Week Before Thanksgiving Carol, mind you. And that means that
even though Christmas is, in a technical sense, more than five
weeks away, the annual bombardment of horrifyingly cheerful
Christmas music is on.
As I understand it, there was once a time when Christmas only
lasted one day. That had to end, though, so the Twelve Days of
Christmas song could get written. And without that song, how
could we have those hilarious parodies that are about to be
clogging up the airwaves? Of course, to be perfectly accurate,
it would have to be The Forty Days of Christmas now. Not that
I'm suggesting anything of the sort. Please don't write a new,
even longer version of more...
A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting.
When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the
meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk.
While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and
became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a
lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation and
asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied "I'm on the 7th
hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole".
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with
the same request. She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you
must be on the 13th". Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went into the club house where he more...
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half." "Just bring me a size eight." The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, and my business has filed Chapter 7." "The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.
“Well, ” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her
if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes. ’ Then I asked her ‘Why? ’ She replied, ‘Because I love you. ’”
Sales of building materials like brick, lumber, and concrete are down becuase of the sharp drop off in the housing market. The only building material to have an increase in demand is cardboard.
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press - and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the more...
"George is so forgetful," the sales manager complained to his secretary. "It's a wonder he can sell and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back."
Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. "You'll never guess what happened!" he shouted. "While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn't bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half-million dollar order!"
"See," sighed the sales manager to his secretary. "I told you he'd forget the sandwiches."