Salesman Jokes / Recent Jokes
An overly-enthusiastic vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory and knocks on the door. A tough, mean looking woman answers the door and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
"Lady," he says, "if this vacuum doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I will each every chunk of it."
"Would you care for some ketchup with that?" she asks with a smirk.
"Huh?" the confused salesman asks.
"We just moved in and the electricity hasn't been turned on yet!" she replies.
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" He Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job. Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it. The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment. The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling." Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. But tell me, what in the world happened to you?" "Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great. As far as my injuries go, he had this really more...
A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife. So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back. "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal" the salesman said. "What makes him so special?" the man asked. The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells.." and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing "Deck the halls..." So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?" "Well I don't know" answered the salesman. So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing... "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
One day, a farmer walked into his barn and caught a traveling salesman making love to his youngest daughter. Enraged, the farmer raised his 12-gauge shotgun and shot the salesman in the groin.
Screaming in pain, the salesman took off into town to find a doctor. The doctor took one look at the man's penis and told him there was nothing he could do for him.
"Please, you must do something," the salesman pleaded. "I'm a wealthy man and can pay you anything you ask."
"I'm sorry, son," replied the doctor, "there's really nothing I can do. However, there is a man across the street who may be able to help you."
"Is he a specialist?" the salesman asked.
"No," the doctor said, "he plays the piccolo. He'll be able to teach you how to hold it so you don't piss in your face!"
An Mid-Westener walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Mid-Westener is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the Mid-Westener says, "What's that noise?"
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs? ”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.