Salesman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you! ”
The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it? ”
“It’s a special golf ball, ” says the salesman. “You can never lose it! ”
“Whattaya mean, ” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water? ”
“No problem, ” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it. ”
“Well, what if you hit it into the woods? ”
“Easy, ” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed. ”
“Okay, ” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark? ”
“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball! ”
The golfer buys it at once. “Just one more...

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the officer window and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo... I've got Windows!"

A sales representative stopped in at a small manufacturing plant. He met with the plant manager and presented a box of cigars to him as a gift.
"No, thank you," said the manager. "I did try smoking a cigar once, but I didn't care for it."
The sales rep then showed his display case and, hoping to make a sale, offered to take the manager out for a drink.
"Thanks, but I tried alcohol once and didn't like it," the manager replied.
As the salesman glanced out the window, he happened to see a golf course. "I guess you play golf. I'd really like to invite you to be a guest at my club sometime," he said.
"Thank you," the manager said, "but I played golf once and I didn't like it."
Just then, a young man entered the office. "Allow me to introduce my son, Bob," the manager said to the salesman.
"Let me guess," replied the salesman, "An only child?"

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup with that?" The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

A travelling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house. The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn't resist going over and talking to him. "You look as if you don't have a care in the world," the salesman told him. "What is your formula for a long and happy life?" "Well," replied the little old man, "I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night." "My goodness," exclaimed the salesman, "that's just great! How old are you?" "Twenty-five," was the reply.

An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
"What kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there and sell him a boat."