Saloon Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west. The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?" Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you." The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?" The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his more...

Four old cowboys are having a discussion about what is the fastest thing in the world.

First cowboy says, "I believe it's thinking,' cause when you prick your finger or touch a flame, the pain instantly becomes thought and hits the brain."

Second cowboy says, "Well, I think its blinking. When you blink and open your eyes again, you immediately see everything. Nothing is changed."

Third cowboy says, "Well, I think it's light,' cause as soon as you press that light switch, you go from dark to instant light."

Fourth cowboy says, "Well, I think it's the Mexican-two-step diarrhea."

All the others ask simultaneously, "Diarrhea? Why?"

Fourth cowboy says, "I'll explain it to you. I went across the border to a saloon last night and drank a buncha homemade Mexican tequila. On the way home from the saloon, I stopped off at Lupe's cafe and ate two helpings of her Mexican more...

The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company.THE U.S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be the pride of the fleet, and something special was wanted to decorate the captain's saloon, a large living room/office where the vessel's business and entertaining would take place.Someone suggested that a set of nautical prints would lend a nice touch. He knew of a shop in London that specialized in such things, and the prints were ordered and hung in the saloon.It was not until the trial run of the vessel, when both the builder's and the owner's representatives were aboard, that someone looked closely at the prints. Each was of an American ship being captured by, or surrendering to, a British warship during the War of 1812.

It's the time of the Old West.

A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, "Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town."

Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who when hopping over the bar slips on a beer and knocks himself unconscious.

When he comes to, he makes his way outside to see the biggest, meanest man he's ever seen riding down the center of the town on two buffaloes, whipping them with a rattlesnake screaming, "Giddyup! Let's go, come on."

He makes his way over to the saloonkeeper, dismounts, and enters the saloon.

Breaking both doors off the hinges while entering, he walks up to the bar, slams his fist down, breaking the bar in half and hollers, "Gimme some beer in a gallon jug."

After the saloonkeeper hands him the jug, he watches as the man drinks it in three seconds more...

One hot, dusty day, the Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town and head for the first saloon they see, where they tie up their trusty steeds and go in for a cold one.
Some time later, a stranger enters the saloon and asks, "Who owns the white horse tied up outside?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger says. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying," replies the stranger.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside to check on Silver.
"He's probably just suffering from heat exhaustion," the Lone Ranger says. "Tonto, why don't you run around Silver for awhile to help keep him cool."
The Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon. Half an hour later, another stranger walks in and asks, "Who owns the white horse out there?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger replies. "What's the problem this time?"
"Oh, no problem," replies the stranger, more...

A glad went to a barber saloon to have a hair cut and quarried how many are there ahead of me. The reply was three. "Yes I am busy today, anyway I come tommorrow and went away.
The other day at the same time he visited the barber saloon and questioned how many were there ahead of him. The reply was five. again he went away saying "Good I will come tommorrow.
On the third day too he visited the barber saloon and qurried how many were there ahead of him. The answer was four. "Very good! I will come tommorrow" and went away.
The barber asked one of his employees why this glad every day coming to our barber saloon and going without taking hair cut, but merely question about the number of person ahead of him. Go behind him and watch what he is and where he goes.
After an hour later the employee returned and said the glad is going to your house.

THE COWBOY CODE


1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.


2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, when leaving a lady's presence.


3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA'AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.


4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.


5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.

6. A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.


7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady's house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go more...