Saloon Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Origin of ChapstickThe old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff."Howdy, stranger...""Howdy, Sheriff..."The cowboy then moved slowly to then back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon."Hold on, Mister...""Sheriff?""Did I just see what I think I just saw?""Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips...""And that cures them?" "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em!

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon."Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff."Did I just see what I think I saw?""Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.""And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked."Nope, but it keeps me from lick'en' em."

McCuen stumbled out of a saloon right into the arms of irish father Logan. "Inebriated again!" declared the irish priest. "Shame on you! When are you going to straighten out your life??" "irish father," asked McCuen. "What causes arthritis?" "I`ll tell you what causes it! Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling and carousing around with loose women. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don`t," slurred McCuen. "The Bishop has it!"

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.
The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"
Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."
The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"
The young man, happy to show how good he was, more...

A man enters the saloon and asks, "Who is the chap named Miller?!"
"I am Miller," answers an old man sitting at the bar.
The man at the door walks to Mr. Miller and knocks him down. Then he leaves the
saloon. Mr. Miller rises, sits on his chair again and starts laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" asks the bar keeper. "I would not find it funny to get
knocked down."
"I played a prank upon him," answers the old man. "My name is not Miller."

THE COWBOY CODE1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, when leaving a lady's presence.3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA'AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.6 . A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady's house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go someplace else. Maybe the saloon, where the stench of horse poop is no worse than the stench of cow poop.8. A cowboy more...