Salt Jokes / Recent Jokes
The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home.
He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.
"CAREFUL!!!
CAREFUL!!!
MORE OIL!!!
TURN THEM!!!
TURN THEM NOW!!!
WE NEED MORE OIL!!!
THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!
CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!!
TURN THEM!!!
TURN THEM!!!
HURRY UP!!!
ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!
THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!!
USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"
The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you?
Why are you yelling like this?
Do you think I don`t know how to fry an egg?"
The husband calmly replied, "This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me..."
You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease more...
This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining. The list of ingredients is as follows:
1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight.
8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them.
32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
3 gallons chicken stock.
salt, pepper, to taste.
Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.
Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery ina large pan, using some olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly browned. Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, more...
A whale's penis is called a dork.
Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.
The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.
In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.
More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.
Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars. It was first concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico, in the 1920's.
One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are rapid, they are not agile. So, if being chased by one, run in a zigzag line to lose him or her.
Seattle’s Fremont more...
A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this
salt encrusted piece of metal. He scratched away at it to remove
the salt, to reveal a very old oil lamp. With an embarassed look around him, the guy gives it a quick rub. .. a Genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp
that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.
"You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on
board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an
automobile."
The genie waved his hand and the requested Egomobile appeared.
But what about the third wish. ... "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for more...