Sam Jokes

Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge." Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon." St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari." A short time later, Jon more...

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."

A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said,' Come on in. I'll show you >around. I really think you'll like it here.' Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter,' what's the deal with all the clocks?' St. Peter replied,' they keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, his clock moves forward one minute. For instance,this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely,it will move any second.' Click! The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.' Sam must be closing on a deal right now,' said St. Peter.' The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.'

The man and St. Peter continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with more...

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a more...

The Holiday Nightmare
(to the tune of "Santa Claus is comming to town.) You better give up
On Christmas this year--
You haven't a chance
With relatives here--
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
They're bringing thier kids
To add to your fun--
They're staying ten days;
You thought it was one--
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
They'll monopolize your bathroom;
They'll destroy your sol-i-tude;
They will eat you out of house and
home,
Then complain about the food.
They're only one way
To save your No-el--
You give' em your house;
You take a hotel--
Sam and Roz are comming to town.