Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. He wanted to see the Rock Garden.
Unfortunately, he couldn`t find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Rock Garden?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. It`ll take you right there."
He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Rock Garden, I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
Santa replied, "Don`t worry, officer, it won`t be long now. The 43rd bus just went by!"

Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that`s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can`t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn`t budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull"

It was a really hot day at the office. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelt.
One man said, "Uh oh, someone`s deodorant isn`t working."
Santa from the distant corner replied, "It can`t be me. I`m not wearing any."

Santa was walking through Rose Garden in Chandigarh and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said Santa to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I`ll see if I can help."
So he walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishing, sir."
"Fishing, well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of Scotch, snacks and a fine cigar.
Santa felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn`t know what to do to empty the hole.
Jeeto says, "Why don`t you go ask Banta down the road?"
So, Santa goes down to Banta`s house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don`t know what to do to empty it."
Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it`s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long more...

Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It`s probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn`t have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn`t noticed that she can`t say `NO`!"

Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.
"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.
"Hey! There`s somebody in my bed!" says Banta.
"There`s somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.
"Let`s get rid of them. We paid for this room and we`re going to sleep in the beds!" says more...