Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta`s wife Preeto went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation
"It`s terrible," she said, "I haven`t moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," Preeto replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," Preeto answered, "I take a newspaper."

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.
Santa told him how to get to Shimla.
The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"
"Yep", Santa answered.
"How big is it?" asked the tourist.
"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."
The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that`s a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"
Santa thought for a second more...

Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he`s never seen before.
"What do I do if she`s ugly?" says Santa, "I`ll be stuck with her all night."
"Don`t worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don`t just shout `Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!` and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Santa knocks at the girl`s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He`s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:. .."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"

Santa is talking to Banta about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there`s always that doubt."
Banta says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later Santa has to go out of town on a business tour. Before he goes, he gets together with Banta.
"While I`m away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there`s always that doubt."
Banta agrees to help out, and Santa leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets Banta, "So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says Banta.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get more...

Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
When Santa`s turn came after many attempts by others. Santa`s story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion.
My wife: sex.
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied: who is the father? He was the winner for writing the shortest story!

Banta walks into a bar for a beer and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.
When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"
Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."
Well he still hadn`t had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn`t going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, more...

Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband`s bound to get suspicious."
"No way, sweetie, he`s dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we`ve been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn`t suspect a thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you`re down to one tooth!"