Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy`s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don`t worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.
A traffic Policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I`m Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don`t let me catch you speeding again."
Banta goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Sir," he says, "we`re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife, Preeto, needs me to help with the top floor and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We`re short-handed, Banta," the boss replies. "I can`t give you the day off."
"Thanks, Sir," says Banta, "I knew I could count on you!"
As the crowded elevator descended, Banta`s wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn`t pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn`t," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."
Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Santa says.
"Thought...?" Banta asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Santa says.
"Wasn`t that love?" Banta asks.
"No, that was obsession," Santa explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn`t understand me."
"Wasn`t that love?" asks Banta.
"No, that was lust," Santa replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn`t that love," asks Banta.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Santa replies.
Banta was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Smack! The rooster disappeared under the car and up floated a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, Banta pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.
Banta, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."
Santa is sitting at the coffee shop, staring morosely into his coffee.
Banta walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts, he asks Santa what the problem is.
"Well," said Santa, "I ran afoul of one of those questions my wife asks. Now I`m in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Banta.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That`s easy," said Banta. "You just say `Of course I will!"
"Yeah," said Santa, "that`s what I did, except I said `Of course I DO.`"