Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace.
The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn`t agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.
One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia. Which of us is correct?"
Santa replies, "Well boys, I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong!"
Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"
Santa enters a store that sell curtains. He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Santa tells him that they aren`t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I`ve got Windows!"
Pappu, Santa`s son, accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I`ll help you get the wagon up."
"That`s mighty nice of you," Pappu answered, "but I don`t think my father would like me to."
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," he finally agreed, and added, "But my father won`t like it."
After a hearty lunch, Pappu thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know dad is going to be real upset."
"Don`t be foolish! " the farmer said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"
"No, sir, I`m not. I`m a Census Taker," the man replied.
"A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.
"A Census Taker," he explained. "We`re trying to find out how many people are in the India."
"Well, you`re wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."
A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.
When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning.
"Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded.
Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.
"I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn`t receive your telegram!"